Pondering on Sin and the Power of Light. -“Woe is me, that I dwell in darkness, that I dwell among the tents of Kedar! [Ps 120:5].
O! My soul, the light has come and ready to shine in the midst of oppressing sin. I am not better than a drunkard or a mad man when living in sin. Because as wood, lead, silver, gold and precious appears to be similar at night, I couldn’t discern the light that wants to consume me due to my sin. My soul wants and is eager to reunite and live with Him. But I have given a power to the darkness within me to be like a man who closes his eye and cannot enjoy the light. And then the darkness accused me and said to God, “he is rot, and has been in grave for a while. You don’t want him. He has no hope and has left the communion a while ago… O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? But my soul knows that the Lord may chastened me severely, but He wouldn’t given me over to death[Ps 118:18]. My soul remember how far He needed to walk to save the untouchable soul [Jn 4]. Then I came to my sense and know for sure that He has never left me. It was I who left the Lord!. I am still alive because of Lord’s great love, and his compassions never fail [Lam 3:22]. Then I said, “I will arise and go to my father” and say, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am weak; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled.My soul also is greatly troubled” [Ps 6:2-3]. I cried, “God, let Your Light shine upon me, a sinner!”.
Lord, I was separated, on my accord, from Your Divine word that gives life, the Holy Church- where I see Thy glory, Thy Communion.. and liturgy ..and therefore I had no life, no light, no truth, and no peace. You are gentle and don’t abide forcefully or by intimidation. Neither will You live in a soul that do not want the light. But where my sin increased, I saw Your grace increased all the more [Rom 5:20]. But now I am running toward You knowing my soul has darkened and tainted with sin. Lord, You created everything and said, it is beautiful. I know my soul is black yet beautiful. Because You have created it. You have said “he who believe in me, though he may die, he shall live”. I know I am a black soul, like the soul of the Prodigal Son who was believed to be dead. I was lost. But I am beautiful, because You have purchased it with thy Precious Blood. When I started walking toward You, You saw me from a great far off. It gave me a great pleasure and assurance seeing You running toward me with compassion; and when you fell on my neck and kissed me. Though I am black, You have send the Seraphim [the deacon] to take the coal [Thy Blood] from the altar and with it wipe my lips [Sin] to say Your name and praise You boldly. Though I am unworthy, You have taken and washed me and made me whiter than the snow. Lord, Thank you!, I have found beauty in You though I am weak. I can do all this through You who gives me strength and enlighten my life.
Glory to God
May the Intercession of St Mary be with us all.